Sex & Relationships

The Divorce Attorney from Hell

Warning: Keep this article away from your wife. Read this story about Bob Cohen, then eat it

You can call Robert Stephan Cohen a tough Manhattan divorce lawyer, label him a hardball negotiator, or recognize him as the guy you certainly don't want your wife to be calling. Donald Trump found out-not once but twice. But whatever you do, don't phone his office and ask for "The Animal," as a potential client once did.

"Have you tried the Bronx Zoo?" responded Cohen. Reflecting on the call, he says, "This guy wanted me to be his Doberman. People come in [to my office] angry; they want me to be their messenger and to skin the other side alive."

In the dismal kind of law that Cohen practices, the "other side" that gets skinned is you. The instigator is the woman you once pledged to love to the point of death, the girl who once stirred ecstatic thoughts in your mind all night long, the one who had been your confidant and best friend. Until now.

Cohen has earned vaults of money by presiding over the disunifications of some of New York City's most powerful couples. He has done Doberman duty for Mike Bloomberg, Christie Brinkley, James Gandolfini, Marla Maples, Tommy Mottola, and Ivana Trump. Pity those on the other side of the courtroom, because this son of a Brooklyn cabbie plays to win.

"People who meet me say, 'Wow, you seem like such a nice guy for a divorce attorney. I'd love to sit next to you at a dinner party.' Then they see me in court, and they say, 'My God, where did that come from?' I'm very committed to what I do. There's never a phone call that goes unreturned or a theory that goes unexamined. The only thing in life that I'm afraid of is not being successful."

It comes as a surprise, then, to hear Cohen's definition of a "successful" divorce: one that never happens.

After 30 years in the field, acting as pathologist to hundreds of failing marriages, Cohen has reached a point where he tries to do everything in his power to prevent court papers from being filed and encourage husband and wife to reconcile. His current thinking about divorce, in fact, is not too far from what the pope would say about it.