Sex & Relationships

He has no idea she's miserable. Or that she has slept with another man.

He doesn’t read.

It’s not that he isn’t smart. He is, but he’s not educated, and he’s not curious. He wants to talk about how we’re adding on to the house, and all the decisions that go along with that, and, “When we retire, do you want to buy a Winnebago?” I want to talk about global warming. It’s about conversation and—I hate to say it—intellect. Our conversations about anything are pretty short.

He’s a very good husband in terms of sharing household responsibilities. He does laundry, he helps cook, he’ll do all the normal, manly outdoor chores. He’s a loving dad. We don’t argue. He’s someone I truly admire and think of as a wonderful person, but I don’t think we are right for each other.

We’ve been married for seven years. If I’m truthful, I had some doubts when we were dating. Then a close friend of mine died. That trauma made me question what I wanted in life, and this man cared for me and adored me. I was going for something I thought was good for me. He’s offered me stability, both emotionally and practically, in buying a house and having money. Now I feel stable but uncreative.

I want him to have his own life, to be interested in things outside of me and our child. He has a few interests, and he’s trying to develop them, but he doesn’t have a lot of friends, so he’s needy and dependent. He says, “If you’re happy, then I will be happy.” There’s a weird pressure in that statement. It’s selfish: I have to be happy so that he can be happy. It doesn’t matter if I’m happy for me.

And, okay, can I tell you this? We haven’t kissed in a long time, other than just a peck on the lips: “See you tonight.” When we physically do the deed, it takes care of the basic needs, but I don’t feel passionate about it. It’s that lack of creativity and imagination. If I found him to be a stimulating person, perhaps I could kindle more passion.

This idea of leaving him has been in my head for a couple of years. There was no event between the two of us. I think it started with me. I worry that he’d be so angry that he’d somehow try to keep me from my child. But I am naively hopeful that this would be amicable. I am concerned about money, but we’ve worked really hard to be in this place with our finances. I have these weird thoughts, like, We’ve hired an architect, and in April, we’re supposed to start adding on to the house. If something’s going to change, I don’t want to be in the middle of that process, spending all that money.