Fatherhood

10 Smart Things Every Father Should Teach His Kids

[ Updated: Jan 2, 2009 - 10:45:46 PM ]

TEACH A SOLID HANDSHAKE
Model proper technique by putting 'er there: press the web of flesh between your thumb and index finger into his so his so he feels it; that ensures proper placement. Then wrap your hand around his and squeeze gently for two or three seconds. Key point: eye contact and a slight smile are essential. The double pump, while conveying enthusiasm, isn't.

INSTILL A HEALTHY RESPECT FOR GUNS
Your kid might become vice president one day. Demonstrate how to keep the muzzle pointed in a safe direction at all times -- downrange, toward the ground or up in the air -- while explaining that every gun should be considered a loaded gun.

LEARN LEFT FROM RIGHT
Righty tighty, lefty loosey. That's how to remember which way to turn a screwdriver, wrench -- or the lid from a jar of pig's knuckles.

WHAT TO DO WHEN STOPPED BY A COP
• Keep your hands where police can see them.
• Never run, resist, complain or touch an officer.
• Address the police officer as "sir" (or "ma'am") or "officer." If he's wearing three stripes or a single silver bar, saying "yes sergeant" or "no lieutenant," respectively, may score you some points.

PROPER CONDOM USE
When you have your "talk" with your son (or daughter -- she needs to know this stuff, too), cover all of these points about condom use (and when you're done, present him with his very own box of rubbers).

• Check the expiration date. Condoms are good for 5 years but those with spermicide expire after 3 years.
• Never store them in your wallet or car glove box (pressure and high temperatures will render them ineffective).
• Always use one, even with oral sex.
• Break out a new one with every encore performance. Reusing one isn't worth the risks.

HOW TO CONSOLE SOMEONE
At some point or another while they're growing up, your children will need to console a relative or a friend who's just lost a family member. To make the encounter less clumsy for your kids, help them prepare a message that comes from the heart. (They should never say something like "I guess it's for the best that she's gone" when her friend's sickly Grandma Bertha dies.)